A bit of what i do

I have already told you what my book is about, now I guess it's time for me to let you guys tell me what you think of my writing. Below is a a bit of my book, please tell me what you think.

Chapter One

      When McKenzie woke up, she was in the hospital. She was wondering why when she remembered what had happened. She sat up and looked around. She saw a man sitting in a chair placed in the corner, alone. Since she was barely conscious, she couldn’t tell who he was but she could see that he was fast asleep. She moaned in agony as the pain came rushing back to her head. As soon as she started making noise, the man instantly woke up and walked to her side.

      “Miss James, my name is Brian Cooper, I’m a detective with the police department and I need to ask you about Michael Asherton”.

      “Michael? Where is he? Is he okay? When can I see him? Why do you have to talk to me about him? Is he in trouble?” She started rambling on and bombarding him with questions of her own.

“Miss James, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but, unfortunately he has taken his own life. By the time anyone got there, it was too late. I am so sorry ma’am.” He could see the woman’s eyes filling up with tears because of the devastation. There was something else in her expression, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

      McKenzie didn’t quite know what to say. So all she could do was cry. Once she started, she found it impossible to stop. It had happened again and there was nothing she could change it. She also cried because she stuck in a hospital where she was connected to multiple machines. She had a huge issue with hospitals, all the sickness and depression made her miserable, and now she was a part of it which made her feel even worse.

Brian reached into his pocket and pulled out an evidence bag with an envelope with the name McKenzie written on it.“This was found on his desk. It has your name on it. We have already catalogued it and so you can open it and not worry about getting in trouble for tampering with evidence. Once this case is closed, you will be able to keep it” he said as he handed her the baggie.

“Thank you, detective. Can I ask you to let me read it in private? I promise to not ruin it and to take care of it, but I don’t want to read it in front of someone. Can you humor me, please?”

“Sure thing, but if you do need me, I’ll be right outside the door. Just yell and I will be right back here.” He answered as he left the room.

McKenzie recognized Michael’s handwriting as soon as she saw it on the envelope. She was expecting the envelope to be open, but it still stung her to see it torn. She opened the letter that was inside. Seeing the handwriting she knew so well was bringing tears to her eyes. She wondered if she could even finish reading the letter. She told herself that she had to so she could have some sense of closure about Michael.

My Dearest McKenzie,

Let me begin by saying that loving you has been the only thing worthwhile in my life. You brought a light and a sense of wonder to my world that would have otherwise been dark and uninteresting. You showed me what true love and affection truly are and for that I will be forever thankful and I will forever love you. I had planned on asking you to marry me tonight at dinner, but once I started thinking of the possibility of you rejecting me, my heart couldn’t take it. I would not have been able to accept it and live life knowing that the only woman I ever loved wouldn’t marry me. The thought was just too much for me to bear. I’m so sorry to do this to you. Know that I love you, perhaps even too much, but I know that is not enough for you to stay with me forever. Good-bye, my sweet angel, I’ll await you in heaven, yet it will be hell until you join me at the pearly gates.

Yours, now and forever

Michael

She could barely read the last line through her tears. It broke her heart when she called Brian to come get the letter.

“Ma’am, I know it’s hard, but I have to ask you a few questions. Um, first, were there any signs that your boyfriend was suicidal? Anything at all that could help us?” he asked.

“No, we had an awesome relationship. We rarely ever fought and if we did, it was about really small stuff. Everyone got along with him. He had so many friends that it was almost impossible for me to remember all their names. Now if you don't mind,can we continue this some other time? I really need my rest". And with that she turned over and drifted off to sleep. Brian waited until she was asleep before he left the room.